PAIN

Sometimes when pain comes it rips at your insides and tears at your heart. It makes you cry and breaks your heart. Sometimes when pain comes it stays a while. other times it builds a hut inside you and takes a long time to wash away.

This pain is Slow...almost tentative at times. But it is as impending as the end of sin and as deep as the ocean. Many times we try to deal with pain by masking it and pretending we don't feel the pain. We want to go into super woman mode and brush it aside. We say we are strong and nothing will break us.... the voice of delusion.

We are strong but pain is no respector of persons. Pain will hit as hard on everyone and doesn't care if you have been there before. Its as fresh as if you never felt pain before.

So i try not to cry. Try to hold back the tears as us foolish humans tend to do in a parody, the guise of strength. Then finally, i break and the tears fall like the waters of a thousand rivers soaking my face and washing down my clothes. I cant stop....I cant seem to stop the sobbing that wrecks my body. Shoulders heave as i let out the waters of a hundred dams. How? when? where? why? the questions never cease to flow as the tears flow. The mind is made numb and feelings a disaray.

At last i subside into small sobs and whimpers. The pain assuaged until it comes again. Alas the only way to deal with pain is to feel it first. Allow it to destroy before you can build upon its strength and resurrect old pillars built on past pain. Yes! strength is there, but the strength comes from allowing the pain.

I wipe my tears and feel the strength slowly seep into my body, mind and soul. I get on my knees and pray

Lord, I know you know how i feel. This pain is not going unnoticed by you. Please help me to get stronger. I leave all my cares before your throne. There is no care too big or too small to bring to your throne. I lay bare the contents of my heart, will and desires. search them all Lord.Help me forgive, help me fore-give, help me forGIVE.... Heal me Lord in the way that only you can. Please dont let this pain kill my love, dull my sympathy or numb my joy. I believe you can do all things and in your wisdom, love, mercy and grace, you will help me deal with this pain. Help me do and be like you in the face of betrayal, hate and judgement. whatever i feel, you Know and can heal. I humbly ask this in the mighty name of Jesus.

Amen.